In Pakistani and South Asian culture, the rishta process is often romanticized — beautifully decorated drawing rooms, chai-tray meetings, polite conversations, and the occasional compliments on how the girl looks. But behind the polite smiles and family chatter, sometimes there are warning signs that shouldn’t be ignored.
Many rishta girls are taught to be polite, adjust, and accept — but in 2025, women are becoming more aware, confident, and selective. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, not just a function, and it’s better to wait for the right person than to regret saying “yes” to the wrong one.
This article outlines the top 10 red flags that every rishta girl should recognize and avoid — no matter how good the proposal seems on paper.
🔴 1. He or His Family Controls the Conversation
If during the rishta meeting, you’re not allowed to speak, or the man keeps cutting you off while answering on your behalf, this is a red flag.
🗣️ “She doesn’t need to ask questions. We will tell her what’s best.”
🚩 This behavior suggests a controlling mindset, where your voice and opinion aren’t valued. Marriage should be mutual, not one-sided.
✅ Green Flag Alternative: A respectful conversation where the man listens, asks about your views, and gives you space to speak.
🔴 2. He Makes Fun of Your Ambitions or Education
Did he say something like:
- “Aurat ka asli ghar toh susral hi hota hai.”
- “Tum job bhi karogi, aur bache bhi paalogi?”
If a guy belittles your career, dreams, or education, consider it a serious red flag. Even if he’s “joking,” these remarks reflect deep-rooted beliefs.
🎓 Today’s rishta girls are educated, skilled, and independent — they need partners, not owners.
✅ A supportive partner will celebrate your achievements, not mock them.
🔴 3. Over-Attachment to His Mother (Emotional Incest)
It’s good for a man to love and respect his mother. But if he constantly says:
“Main har faisla apni Ammi se pooch kar karta hoon.”
“Ammi ne kaha toh wohi hoga.”
…and you’re not even in the picture yet, take it seriously.
🚩 If the mother has more influence in his decisions than he does, you might end up fighting for your space after marriage.
✅ A good husband will balance love for his family and his wife.
🔴 4. Uncontrolled Anger or Aggression
Pay attention to how he reacts under stress. Did he:
- Speak rudely to the waiter?
- Yell at his younger brother during your visit?
- Get irritated when asked simple questions?
Anger issues during rishta meetings = worse behavior after marriage.
🧠 Anger control is a core part of emotional intelligence — and marriages need emotional safety.
✅ Calm, respectful men make emotionally safer husbands.
🔴 5. He’s Not Open to Questions
If he gets offended or defensive when you ask things like:
- “What are your long-term plans?”
- “What’s your view on women working?”
- “Would you live separately if needed?”
And replies with:
“You’re too modern.”
“Why are you interrogating me?”
…that’s a red flag. You have every right to understand the person you may marry.
✅ A green flag guy answers with maturity, clarity, and respect.
🔴 6. Excessive Focus on Looks, Cooking, or Skin Color
If the guy or his family can’t stop asking:
- “Gori hai na?”
- “Khaana banana aata hai?”
- “Slim hai ya healthy?”
Then you’re being evaluated like a product, not a person.
🚩 A man overly obsessed with appearance often lacks emotional depth and respect.
✅ A thoughtful proposal is based on compatibility, values, and personality — not just physical traits.
🔴 7. Secretive or Dishonest About Important Information
If the guy (or his family):
- Hides his real job situation
- Lies about his age, salary, or education
- Avoids answering financial questions
…it’s a big red flag.
🧾 Transparency builds trust. Lies create future disasters.
✅ Ask questions like:
- “Are you currently working?”
- “What are your career goals?”
- “Is your family financially dependent on you?”
Marriage needs honesty from day one.
🔴 8. He Has No Goals or Vision for the Future
A man with no direction in life can become an emotional and financial burden.
Signs to watch for:
- He says, “Dekha jayega.”
- Has switched many jobs but blames others
- Still financially dependent on his parents in his 30s
🚩 Marriage is a partnership, not a rescue mission.
✅ A good rishta is someone with ambition, stability, and a clear sense of direction.
🔴 9. Talks Negatively About Women, Exes, or Working Girls
If he says:
- “Aurat ko zyada azaadi mil gayi hai aaj kal.”
- “Meri ex selfish thi, sab uski galti thi.”
- “Larki ko ghar sambhalna chahiye, naukri ki kya zarurat hai?”
…then you’re dealing with a misogynist, not a husband.
🚩 Negativity towards women shows insecurity, bitterness, or superiority complex — all red flags for marriage.
✅ Look for a man who talks about equality, partnership, and respect.
🔴 10. He or His Family Is Rushing Things Without Letting You Think
If they say:
“Aap haan karein, baaqi sab baad mein dekhenge.”
“Zyada time lene se achi baat nahi banti.”
They are forcing a timeline, which can lead to regret. You have every right to take your time and think things through.
🚩 High-pressure proposals often hide deeper issues.
✅ A respectful proposal gives you time, space, and clarity before any decision.
📌 Summary Table: Red Flags to Watch For
| # | Red Flag | Why It’s Dangerous |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Doesn’t let you speak | Indicates control, lack of respect |
| 2 | Makes fun of your career/education | Shows insecurity or traditional thinking |
| 3 | Overly attached to mother | Could cause conflicts post-marriage |
| 4 | Uncontrolled anger | Emotional and possibly physical risk |
| 5 | Refuses to answer your questions | Indicates disrespect and immaturity |
| 6 | Obsessed with looks, complexion, weight | Lacks depth; objectifies women |
| 7 | Hides job, salary, or other truths | Trust issues from day one |
| 8 | Has no goals or stability | Could lead to financial/emotional problems |
| 9 | Talks badly about women or exes | Signals deep-rooted bias |
| 10 | Rushing the decision | Indicates hidden pressure or manipulation |
💬 Real-Life Voices
🧕 “I rejected a rishta because he laughed when I said I want to continue my studies. No regrets.” — Fariha, 25, Faisalabad
🧕 “I was told not to ask questions—it would ‘ruin the mood.’ That’s when I knew this wasn’t right.” — Saima, 28, Karachi
🧕 “Saying no felt hard, but staying in a wrong marriage would’ve been harder.” — Zeenat, 30, Lahore
✅ Bonus: Green Flags to Look For
To balance things, here are a few green flags to encourage:
- He listens without interrupting
- Respects your goals, your family, and your choices
- Shows consistency in what he says and does
- Is open, honest, and emotionally aware
- Doesn’t pressure you for immediate answers
❤️ Marriage should give you peace, not anxiety.